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Wednesday, November 3, 2010

If you thought Lordosis or Sciatica are Bad...

Consider wearing a cloaking device and having someone cut you up just so that you can run again.
My running friend and blogger zerotoboston says in his latest blog post:

"You may not know this, but I’ve been injured for a while. It’s been a trying twenty-two months (so far). As one Twitteronian put it, “Man, that’s the longest groin pull in history.” I took this as a compliment. To those who have endured my interminably personal posts, comments, tweets and updates, I thank you from the bottom of my, well, you know.
Alas, my nether-regional monomania has alienated at least one woman. A long-lost friend resurfaced on Facebook to write, “Why are all your status updates about your groin? I know we haven’t talked since 1988, but I have to tell you point blank, I’ve had enough!”
Such are the vagaries of human perspective. I feel as if I’ve shown remarkable restraint on the subject. I’ll spare you the specific details of my reply. Suffice it to say, groin jokes tend to write themselves.
Obviously, I haven’t yet recovered. I run a bit, but nothing like I used to. Recently, I was sent into a near apoplectic tizzy at the prospect of an honest-to-goodness diagnosis (a sign of how far I’ve lowered my expectations). Apparently, I suffer from something called Athletic Pubalgia. Think of this as a sports hernia equipped with a Romulan Cloaking Device. For some time, I have described pain, and sophisticated medical instruments have revealed no cause.
Only through careful process of elimination and diligent reflection have my medical team (yes, team) come to the conclusion that I have the dreaded, nebulous AP. It seems surgery is the only solution. This doesn’t bother me, but can a man truly embrace a procedure called Pelvic Floor Repair?
This sounds suspiciously like home improvement. “The lateral support in these joists are shot. You need a full pelvic floor repair. Yup.”
Next thing you know, you’re constantly at Lowe’s, spending more money than Lady Gaga spends on translucent acrylic undergarments. Nothing goes as expected. Midway through the repair job, an improbable, ancient sarcophagus is found in the subfloor, necessitating a visit by the Smithsonian Institution’s artifact recovery team. The extraction causes so much damage that the contractor tells you, with no hint of empathy, that the wiring and plumbing for the entire house must now be replaced. You’ve become the manic-depressive speculator in an exceedingly disturbing, highly personal episode of Flip This House.
Yes, it’s fair to say I’m nervous about groin surgery.
But I’ll do nearly anything to solve this problem. Fellow runners understand this implicitly. Assuming my insurance company agrees that the solution to two years of chronic pain is something they might consider covering, I’ll give it a go; even if it means being strapped upside down to a medieval operating rack.
I just want to run again."

14 comments:

21km, anytime said...

And I thought I had it bad: first lordosis, then sciatica and recently a heel pain that just won't go away! dammit, I am running again! Thank for this man

Jacob Aliet said...

Thou shalt not run again until thou art healed. Your issue is quite simple - too much too soon. Just lose the 10K, heal up halafu uanze mid/early Dec kama umepona. Don't injure yourself again please I need you in Sotokoto and Ndakaini next year man. Please.

21km, anytime said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
21km, anytime said...

Thanks man... but I have had it with this leg!!! Since I can't have it chopped off a la the extremist Christian maxim (Matt 18:8: Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire, it will stay for now but the other foot will make up for the sciatica one's absence. That said, am losing the 10kilos... and happily so..

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