Apology for my Writing

I have been pretty busy of late. Busy with all sorts of things. With a lot on my mind. A lot has happened since I ran my last marathon. My life has changed HUGELY. Immensely.
First of all, I met the right girl. So right. After so many disappointments. Finally. Let me not get started.
Then I lost weight and had to change my wardrobe. I graduated with an MBA and bought a ride and started servicing the loan. And I realized that I am paid shit for a salary. Bang! Yes, shit for a salary.
And I have since been frantically looking for another job. Desperately. I have attended about five interviews this year and got one job offer which I didn't take because they weren't paying me significantly more to justify a job change. It was a good job, good job title (IT Manager) but the perks sucked. At any rate, the search is on. And I know its just a matter of time.
Meanwhile, I started something with some friends and we are about to nail our first business deal. Things are a bit slow, but the future looks unlimited.
Meanwhile, I am broke as hell but I have made adjustments and I think I am coming out fine. After a trying period of trying to stick my head out of the water.
I got Bell's Palsy and was lucky to get medical attention in good time. My doctor remarked that I recovered so fast. That was close. I learnt a great deal though, about the condition. I have a brother who got hit pretty badly by BP, only now do I understand the hell he must have gone through. Physiotherapy didn't help him much. I cut an artery and almost bled to death. For the first time, I got stitched. Then I got patella tendinitis and had to take a ten week break from running. My beloved running.



So I have my plate full planning to get married, trying to get another job, training for a sub 90 mins half marathon, managing a LDR and trying to get a new company off the ground. My kid brother needs to move out and I will start my life with my SO in a months time. It's a pretty crowded life actually. The only thing that saves me is my running. And its my succor and my escape from all of life's tribulations and pressures. Its the only thing that knocks me out and leaves me balanced and keeps me from losing perspective. A bugger can get sucked in.

The only victim of all this chaos and bustle is my writing. I dont write much anymore. I sorta lost interest in the Historical Jesus studies and my writings on the same petered off...I have read up so much on science, skepticism and Philosophy that I seem to have come to the end of a cold trail. It seems like that.
But I think whats getting me in a bind is meagre resources: survival... Oh wait, thats just an excuse. A shitty, pussy-ass excuse. I need to start working on my first book. Gaddemit.
When? Thats the question. Write on what? This is sorta clearing up. I think I will write the Taner Edis, Michael Shermer kinda book. Why? Because those subjects interest me, I am well-read in those subjects and they can fuel me with the kinda motivation I need to write the book.
I got engaged in some email exchange with some gardenvariety Christians in our office mail. Some told me what I wrote was worth publishing and two of my colleagues came out of the closet. Of course, Bible-thumping Christians were there parotting their beliefs of how one day I will be a big preacher and how Hell is reserved for people exactly like me. I could only sympathize. But I tried my best to share my views with them. Educate them on evolution and disabuse them of their grossly erroneous beliefs regarding evolution and the big bang, thermodynamics and the speed of light etc, you know, the kind of sewage that routinely floats in sites like AnswersinGenesis.
So anyways, the comment made me realize that maybe I am pissing on a talent. Or watching a strength I had actually taken time to nurture and develop rot away because I am too preoccupied with basic survival. I think I owe an apology to my writing. Please forgive me my writing. I have neglected you for other basal, perfunctory, anti-intellectual, shallow, mindcandyish, inane hoola (I made this up). And for that I apologize and promise to do better next time.

Look, I am 33. I really dont think my accomplishments are worthy of me. I am not financially secure, I haven't started a business, I rely fully on my salary, I am still single and I am struggling for survival.
On the other hand, I have done better than most. And at this stage in my life, I am as happy as I can possibly be. I have no regrets in life. But I need to do more. I can do more. I have the capacity and the desire to do more. So why haven't I done more? Why haven't I accomplished more? Am I going to be one of those people who, too late in life, realize that they wasted time on unimportant things and failed to do what they should have done? They had the tools and time to make a mark and pissed on the opportunity?

I need to understand the answer to the above question. I will probably figure it out in one of my runs. Tomorrow I will do a 12K and try to dip under an hour. I have rested today. Still sore here and there bur I expect to be much better by 4.40am tomorrow.
Cheers.
A
PS: And Oh, when I am not running, cracking up, watching movies or working, I have been watching the UFC. UFC rocks. Forget the bullshit EPL. UFC F**ing rocks. In UFC 100, to be fought on July 11, Brock Lesnar is fighting Frank Mir. It should be obvious who I am rooting for. There is even a site for UFC 100. Google it up if interested. I gotta tell ya: it rocks.