Monday, February 6, 2012

Encounter with a Morning Idiot - Er, Unreasonable Kenyan

It is a good morning. The sun is up early and I am also early so the notorious Nairobi traffic is not too much.
Before I have had enough Soul music, and before Ogutu can press "Like" on a facebook post, I pull up and park at a nice spot. Or so I think.
When I check how I have parked, I realize that I am overlapping the parking space. I move forward edging as close to the car in front as possible. When I get out, I realize my car is still overlapping the parking space behind me.
I look at the car in front of me. A Silver Audi. It is leaving a lot of space at the front part of his parking space and sticking its butt into my parking space. I decide to check if there is anybody inside because from the way it is parked, only an idiot would park it that way and walk away. In my past experiences, most guys quickly move their vehicles politely if you point out to them that they have parked poorly.
I am relieved to see a gentleman inside. His windows are all up and he is paying rapt attention to his phone. Must be smsing or browsing, I think. At any rate, he is the solution to my problem.
I bend forward and try to wave at him to get his attention. He doesn't see me. I try again. Nothing.
So I gently rap the passenger window with my fingers. He looks at me. His mouth is slightly open.
I motion with my hand for him to move forward.
He is still looking at me. I point at the space before him and motion him to move forward. He is still looking at me as if he has just seen my face turn from blue to deep pink. Is he thinking I am playing a game with him?
I walk to his window patiently as I would toward someone who doesn't understand why ice is cold. He lowers it a fraction after hesitating.
"Please move your car forward, you are consuming two parking spaces" I say to him while trying to avoid leaning too close to his face.
He is still looking at me with his open mouth. He is a middle-aged office bug in a cheesy t-shirt. He is probably on leave. Creep. I think.
"Did you have to knock like that!!!??" He asks me while placing his phone on his passenger seat carefully as if its a detonator that he almost set off accidentally.
"Sorry I startled you. I just wanted to tell you to move your car forward" I say easily as I gesture with my open palms. I quickly walk away to get a parking ticket without waiting to observe how that sinks in. I walk away because I dont want to speak to him any more than I already have and I dont want to hear even a single word from him because he is speaking like the kind of person who wants me to commit murder with my bare hands at 7:30 am in broad daylight. And I really dont want to commit murder with my bare hands at 7:30 am in broad daylight.
To my utter surprise, as I walk away, I realize that a tsunami of anger is welling inside me from nowhere. I feel it passing my neck and is now rushing toward my head. Luckily for me, I am walking away already and I don't have to retort to the guy:
"Do you have to park like an idiot you %^&*%$£!+% moron???!!!!"
When I come back, four minutes later, with my parking ticket, the moron has not moved an inch!!!!!!
And he is still sitting in his car!!!! Is he sulking at me?!!
But wisdom and the god of peace tell me to just forget it.
So I move my car to a different parking slot.
What a frigging idiot! He almost fried my morning!

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